Is it okay to call women "girls"?

And other true struggles from modern womanhood

Do you love being a woman yet struggle with the contradictions and demands of womanhood in a man’s world? 

Gratitude and struggle are not mutually exclusive. Contrary to those who promote toxic positivity, acknowledging the struggle does not create more of it. You have to feel it to heal it.

I see you.

You still feel like you’re a girl on the inside, but when you refer to yourself or other women as “girls,” you question whether this is anti-feminism, or feminism in full bloom.

You’re tired of optimizing your dating profile, your home, your body, your wardrobe, your time. You want to relax.

You know you deserve autonomy when it comes to having children (or not) because you understand that making a human is the most physically and emotionally demanding feat you can undertake. You will never understand why or how this has been politicized. 

You support professional women athletes but the games leave you depleted, haunted by the empty stands and cordoned off sections. 

You tell your daughter she can be whatever she wants, including the President of the United States. You tell her it doesn’t matter that it hasn’t been done before, even though you know it does. 

You want to chase your dreams but feel insecure about your age. You’re too young, or too old.

You want to embrace your age but the messages and products that tell you to smooth your fine lines get under your skin (pun intended).  

You’re running on fumes and broken sleep, working around the clock for your family, having no energy to fill your cup, sometimes forgetting who you would be if you weren’t mothering. 

You want to love your body but the bombarding images of the ideal body type, the weight loss drugs, and available plastic surgeries prompt you to pick yourself apart.  

You go to your job to support your family in spite of the motherhood penalty and the societal programming that tries to guilt you into staying home.

You’re not sure you ever fully recovered from a toxic relationship.

You doubt the efficacy of the antiquated school system, especially since your bright and brilliant son is always getting in trouble, but you don’t have the time or freedom to homeschool.

You’re tired of people asking what’s new and really meaning, “are you dating anyone?”

You’re sick of people asking if you’re “done” having kids, suggesting that who and what you’ve contributed to humanity isn’t enough.

You struggle to fit in. You try building community but it’s not a straightforward process, it’s always one step forward and two steps back. 

You’re trying your hardest to raise kids in a hyper-competitive environment, kids who have a growth mindset and work hard, who also know when to take a break and stay true to themselves.

You get dressed and make yourself presentable day after day because women who are well-groomed and wear makeup are seen as more trustworthy.

You want to eat healthy and it feels impossible, like the world is against you because it is, the industrial food system is broken.

You want to give your kids the world, not just the best food and education and activities, but the best of yourself. The cost is high and you’re always short.

You crave the confidence of your childhood, the confidence that puberty took from you. You go to therapy and read the books and do the meditations. You wonder if it’s making a difference.

You want to be hot without getting judged on a scale of 1-10.

You want to howl at the moon without getting the side-eye from your neighbors.

You want to keep your kids safe in an unsafe world. You lose sleep over school shootings and fentanyl overdoses and fatal TikTok challenges and a rising suicide rate. 

You battle perfectionism. You won’t ask for that promotion until you’re sure they can’t say no. 

Your life looks different than you thought it would so you retrace your steps, hoping to right the wrong turn. But you can’t go backwards. Only forwards.

Your partner doesn’t do his fair share around the house or with the kids. You feel like a single parent in a marriage.

Your soul longs to express your creativity but by the time you get home from your day job, you’re too tired to paint or draw or dance or write or…

Everyone has an opinion about how you’re raising your child, starting with your prenatal care. You can hardly hear your mother’s intuition with all this noise. 

You’re exhausted by the news cycle, the fashion trends, the 10-step skincare routines. 

You want to go on social media without feeling inadequate or being targeted by brands and influencers.

You’re tired of clearing the clutter that comes with being an over-consumer, but there’s always something new and exciting you have to buy.

You feel like you’re always screwing up your kids because of the child psychologists online, but you can’t unfollow them because you’re also learning a lot.

Your children take out their anger on you because you’re the safest person they know.

You’re afraid to tell the truth about your feelings. You don’t want to seem ungrateful or negative. 

I see you.

Stay tuned for the flip side, the triumphs of modern womanhood.